


The one where Scout and Team Fortress 2 adopt a dog and love it to death and nothing sad happens

by Fargosis



Series: Generations [2]
Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Alcohol, Animal Abuse, Blood, Canon Typical Violence, Dogs, Fluff, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Medic and Heavy are an implied couple, Scout loves dogs but his mom never let him get one!, The dog will be fine I 'promise', The mercs get a new puppy!, This fic totally isn't sad or dark, Violence, What Could Possibly Go Wrong?, animal endangerment, both canon typical and non typical violence, but this fic isn't about that like at all
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-07-12 23:54:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16005926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fargosis/pseuds/Fargosis
Summary: One day when left to his own devices, Scout finds a stray dog out by the base! What luck! e loves dogs and always wanted one but his ma never let him and neither has the team....until now! I mean come the freak on its a freakin' rescue! What was Scout supposed to do? Leave it out in the desert to d-....y'know.....Who cares if she's missing a leg or skinny and dirty and malnourished and blind in one eye!? Love always prevails! And who doesn't love a dog!? Except spy but he's an asshole, what's his deal anyways?





	1. Ruth

The vast landscape of the Chihuahuan Desert was as breathtaking as it was dry. With the sun high in the sky and little water to speak of, only the toughest of the tough could make it out here.  Of course, very few folks were tough enough to take madame nature’s full force, and for those who could, life out here could be awful lonesome.

Scout and Sniper had been attached at the hip for a while, although the two of them were still very much professional, and that meant from time to time, Scout had to entertain himself. Most days he’d just sit around and draw or run laps, but recently he had been working on a form of one person game of catch. There were still some kinks, he was fast on his feet, but his pitch was faster, so he spent most of the game running off into the sand dunes to retrieve the ball. Except this time he didn’t just find the ball.

He found a dog. 

“Hey girl, looking for someone to play with?” The dog was on the smaller side of medium, a scrappy little 3 legged mutt  with white fluffy fur and red sports. “What are you doin’ all the way out here? Looking for friends?” The dog eagerly flopped over, letting Scout rub her fluffy white belly. Scout happily complied, he couldn’t believe it. He freakin’ loved dogs! Ma’d never let him get one, and his room was nowhere big enough to hide a full dog.

“You like fetch girl?” Scout asked before tossing his baseball in the direction of the base. The dog barked once and dashed off over the sand as soon as the ball left Scout’s hand. Her feather tail must’ve been wagging 100 mph she was so happy after she jumped up and snatched the ball out of the air.

Scout could’ve sworn he had more fun in this one afternoon than he had during all his time on the team. He thought of all the times he had begged and BEGGED for a dog, and now bam! Destiny dropped one right in his lap. 

“Good girl!” Scout called, running back over to her, letting her run and jump into his arms. “Yeah we’re gonna be friends, anyone who likes ball is my friend.”

The dog barked excitedly behind the ball in her mouth.

“Ah man I wish I had a frisbee out here, beach frisbee is the best, wouldn’t you like that girl?” Scout couldn’t understand why or who’d leave such a great dog all the way out here, she was clearly well trained and very friendly. She needed to be in a nice home with a big yard and lots of kids and a loving family for her to play with. Not out here in the dry New Mexican heat. 

“You wanna come back to my room girl? Gonna go get you some water?” Scout had no  idea how long the dog had been out here, but she had to be thirsty. Scout shifted the dog under his arm, her tail still happily beating against his back, and carried her back to the base.

 

“Rmmm mmph mpf mm!”

“Oh hey Pyro!”

“Mmp mmpp rm rmf?”

“Nah she ain’t stuffed, she’s the real freakin’ deal!” Scout happily held out the pooch for Pyro to get a better look at. She panted excitedly and eagerly stuck her head out to sniff the strange masked person her new friend introduced her to. Pyro laughed behind the mask and let the dog like the end of the mask affectionately, Pyro returning the gesture, running a gloved hand over the dog’s head and ears.

“Yeah! See? Two of you’se are friends already! Just uh..don’t tell anyone about her just yet ok Pyro? The team’ll come around to her in their own time.”

Pyro nodded in understanding and made a zipper motion over the front of their mask, indicating they would stay silent on the matter. Not that Pyro spoke much to begin with. 

Ever so quietly and ever so sneakily Scout quickly slipped into his bedroom, letting the dog back down onto the floor.

“Welcome to the chateau-de-Scout! You can stay here until I can talk the team into letting me keep you, don’t worry though we’ll still play outside.” The dog wagged her tail, looking up at Scout with her big blue eyes. Scout grinned ear to ear and ran his hand over her head.

“Don’t worry girl, the others are just gonna love ya!”

Scout had tried time and time again to convince the others that he should--no that he DESERVED to have a dog. Afterall, Sniper kept who knows what in that camper and Medic’s winged rats were constantly getting into everything, alongside Soldier’s raccoons, why couldn’t Scout have a pet!? A REAL pet!? He had even gone out and bought a weiner dog once, kept it in his room for 3 days, before the Engineer fond out and made him give it up to the pound.

...But this was a  _ rescue _ , what did they expect him to do? Leave the poor thing out here to die? Hm...she wasn’t particularly in the best shape. She was pretty small compared to some of the hounds Scout spotted around Teufort, and  _ something  _ had taken a pretty nasty bite out of one ear, and it looked like she may have lost an eye in the fallout.

“C’mon, Medic’ll get you fixed up---then we can play some more,” Scout knelt down to pick up the dog, who hesitantly climbed into his arms, whining when he front leg got touched. Scout frowned, but he knew Medic would get it taken care of.

“Ah  Guten Nachmittag Scout! And who is this  kleine Dame of yours?”

“C’mon Scout what’ve we told you about having pets in the base?”

“Aw come on, what was I supposed to do? Leave her in the desert to die?!” argued Scout.

“What in Sam Hill--you tryin’ to tell me you found this gal out in the desert?!” Engineer gawed, coaxing the dog into his arms. She sure was a friendly thing, but a desert-toughed animal? “I could probably whip up something for her leg,” he admitted.

“Ja, it has been a while since we’ve had a project,” Medic nodded in agreement.

“Woah!” Scout quickly grabbed the dog out of the Engineer’s arms, her tail wagging eagerly “You ain’t turning Ruth into one of your freaky science experiments!”

“Ruth?”

“Yeah it’s uh, what I’m calling her, cause she’s such a great lil’ catch partner aren’t you? Oh yes you are!” Ruth wagged her tail faster and jumped up to lick Scout’s face excitedly. “See? She already knows her name! We gotta keep her come onnnnnn, all you’se guys got like birds and junk. Sniper raised that whole crocodile and nobody said nothing.”

“Sniper killed it and made a hat Scout,” Scout clutched Ruth closer to his chest and she let out a whine

“Shhh...don’t listen to em, them eggheads don’t know nothin’” Scout whispered, petting the dog in attempts to comfort her.

Medic sighed and pinched the brim of his nose, “Fine, ve will see vhat ve can do but she is on thin ice, dogs and birds don’t mix,”

“Yeah especially not when they’re freaky winged rats they don’t”

“You take that back! Oh I’ve never---Why I oughta--”

Engineer stepped in quickly, placing his hand on Medic’s chest, trying to seperate the two of them before things got out of line. “Scout, how's about you leave the dog with me and I’ll see what I can whip up for that leg of hers. This place is dangerous enough for a delicate thing like herself, and that’s with all four limbs,” for emphasis Engineer waved his robotic fingers in front of Scout’s face.

Scout rolled his eyes and handed the dog back over to the Engineer “Sheesh alright already! Just don’t give her like freaky robot eyes or anythin’,” 

Engineer chuckled, scratching the little dog behind the ear “You got it son,”


	2. Rusty

 

“I’m surprised such a small dog would have been out by herself in the desert,” Medic said to the Engineer as he carried the sleepy pup over to the workbench.

“Well, reckon it’s like those folks who leave their dogs at the gas station,” Engineer suggested with a shrug, looking through some of his old workbooks in hopes of finding some guide or blueprints for the deadringer. 

Medic feigned a shocked gasp “No!” Obviously he too had come to the conclusion that the dog being left out to die was the most likely option, he just didn’t like it. “But look how sweet she is Mein freud! Who could do such a thing?”

The Engineer turned his gaze over his shoulder and watched as Medic gently scratched behind the dog’s ear, producing quite a big yawn from the little furry bundle.

“D’aww looks like someone’s tuckered out!”

“Ja, someone had quite a morning with Herr Scout,”

“Sweet gal, don’t worry, we’ll get you fixed right up,” Engineer ran his thumb under her chin and the dog responded with a lazy tail wag. “Set ‘er down on the bench for me Ludwig.” The dog yawned again and gently rolled over onto her side after being set down, big blue eyes stared up eagerly at the two men, tail softly beating against the workbench.

“Ain’t she just darling?” Engineer already had a soft spot in his heart for dogs, and the dog’s scrappy appearance and missing leg really pulled on his heartstrings.

“She’s certainly a beautiful specimen, I haven’t worked on dog in years!”

“Careful there buddy,” Engineer chuckled,placing a friendly hand on the medic’s shoulder “Already promised Scout we wouldn’t go overboard.”

Medic shared a smile before taking a step back from the sleepy puppy “

“Shall I fetch our tired friend some water?”

The Engineer, glad medic was willing to dial back his usual self for Scout’s sake, grinned “While I reckon that’d be just a fine idea.” Medic nodded and took a little bow before leaving the Engineer’s workshop.

Now alone with the dog, Engie turned back to flipping through his notebooks, pausing every now and again to steal a glance at Scout’s little lady. Sensing his gaze, the dog stretched her paws and yawned, tail softly padding against the workbench and she returened the gaze.

“Haha, gettin’ imapatient now are we? Can’t say I lame you, but luckily this won’t take too long now.” Engineer chuckled as he pulled the plans for the original gunslinger out of his notebook, it would only take a few minutes for him to draw up new schematics for a dog-slinger. 

“You gonna sit still for me girl?” The Engineer inquired, as he took out a roll of measuring tape and moved in to measure the remaining legs of the dog. Sensing a game, she quickly hopped up on her three legs and darted to the far side of the workbench, tail wagging excitedly.

The engineer shook his head “Now now, that won’t do.” She had just gotten up from her nap, maybe it was a good thing she had found scout, with a rebound in energy like that the two had to be a match made in heaven. But if she was gonna me running all over the place Engineer wouldn’t be able to take a good measurement, and assure the new dog-slinger would fit properly. Actually, come to think of it...maybe the Engineer did have an idea how to keep the pup still. He walked over to one of his cabinets and promptly pulled out a little stuffed bear. It was cutely dressed as an engineer as a gift from a relative, but maybe it was just what this little lass needed to be a good girl.

“Here ya go girl, now im gonna be real gentle so just hold still,” the Engineer leaned in slowly and was able to loop the tape around her leg as she happily gnawed on the teddy bear. 

“I hope I did not miss anything!” Medic called enthusiastically as he walked back into the room, setting down a bowl of water for the dog as Engineer recorded his measurements.

“Nope, just about to start the fun part!”

“Well it looks like somebody enjoyed her nap,” Medic joked, scratching under the dog’s chin as she rolled over eagerly, attempting to mark behind the soft toy filling her mouth. “What did Herr Scout say he was going to call her?”

The Engineer shrugged as he began to gather metal at his desk “Ruthie? I think? Personally I don’t think it suits ‘er” he commented as he began to weld scraps together into something approximating a dog leg.

“Much more a  Rosalind, a name of superior intellect really, though i can’t really blame Herr Scout for that now?” Medic teased, petting the dog as she happily drank from the bowl.

The Engineer snorted “ Not really a dog name is it?”

Medic rolled his eyes and ‘hmph’d “And I suppose dr 11 phds has a much more sufficent name ja?”

“It ain’t all about academics doc, sweet little thing like her oughta have a sweet little name. Like...Rusty, see? Cause she’s got those pretty redish-brown spots?” Engineer pointed out.

Medic smirked and rolled his eyes “Ooooh yes professor! Such a cute little name, the oxidation of  Eisen !”

The Engineer just shook his head as he began the finishing touches on the leg, “Whatever you say doc,”

Medic snickered the himself “Well we’ll know the truth right Rosalind?” the dog barked in response, happy for the attention.

“Well, whaddya say Rusty? Ready to give the quadrupedal life another go?” Engie turned from his desk and prestened medic and the dog with the finished leg, and with medic’s help, easily screwed it into place. The dog rolled on it as soon as they were done, mildly uncomfortable with the new odd weight, and she stumbled when she got up, but Engineer liked to think there was an extra sparkle in her eyes, an acknowledgement that something missing had been rightfully returned to her.

“ Wunderbar! It would appear our special guest is finally dressed for the evening,” Medic joked smugly, watching as the dog awkwardly ran in circles, slowly getting steadier with each lap.

The engineer laughed and clapped a hand on Medic’s shoulder “I reckon so, and ain’t she a beaut?”

“Ja, speaking of which,” Medic said as he scooped the dog up off her paws and into his arms. “Mind if I take her back to my laboratory for a check over? If Herr Spy so much as sees a flea I’m afraid we won’t stop hearing about it until we are all dead and rotting!”

“Ha, you can say that again partner, we already lucked out once with that last infestation,”

“Ja, poor Sniper…..speaking of which,remember me to lecture him again on the importance of personal hygiene. We’d hate for you to get blamed for something you had no part in Ja?” Medic couldn’t help but grin every time he looked down at sweet Rosalind, he had a habit of holding his birds but they were never quite as warm and soft as she was now in his arms.He wondered briefly if this is how heavy felt during their nights off.

“Yeah, well I’ll make sure to let Scout know you got her if I see’m, oh! And just remember the deal---no freaky experimental squid tentacles! We promised Scout!”

“Ha ha, yes yes, I remember, no freaky experimental laser eyes, just like scout asked. Ha ha ha ha, but seriously. No.” And just like that, Medic was out the door.

Engie could only hope that no had been in the affirmative.


	3. Miss Roosevelt

“Auweh! Mein kleiner Freund you are filthy!” Between traces of oil and sandust from the Engineer’s, and the red dirt and sand from when scout was playing with her outside, the poor dog’s white furry underbelly was stained and full of clumps of dirt and debris. “It is no matter, we’ll get you nice and cleaned up ja?” Medic said, playful and optimistic as usual, petting Rosalind behind her ears as he carried her back to his medilab.

“Guten Tag meine Kinder! Daddy has a new friend!” Medic called as he swung the doors open to his lab, his various doves cooing and fluttering near. Rosalind’s head swiveled around excitedly, her blue eyes fixated on the little white birds. “Yes, yes my dear, you’ll have plenty of time to get acquainted with one another AFTER we get you cleaned up!”

To the side of the medibay was a small bathroom with a tub medic often used for...experimental reasons. But still, it was a bathtub and heavens knew this dog needed one. As medic carried Rosalind to the tub a swarm of doves burst in behind him.

“Ack! You are simply  _ spoiled! _ Later meine Schönheiten! Daddy said LATER!” Rosalind squirmed impatiently in Medics hands, her tail wagging ecstatically amidst the chaos. As soon as Medic set her down int eh tub and turned to get the anti-flea shampoo, she bolted.

“ROSALIND!” Medic gasped in shock as the little dog jumped and lept at the many fluttering doves, generations of instinct kicking in as she bit at the air in vein, running out the medibay chasing after them.

Medic hung his head low in defeat, he was going to hear about THAT later.

 

“TALLY-HO MEN! KEEP THOSE LEGS UP! HOW CAN THE PRESIDENT RELY ON US IN AMERICAS DARK HOUR IN THE WAR ON SMISSMAS IF YOU LOLLYGAGGERS CAN’T EVEN MARCH IN BEAT?” Soldier berated as he marched aimlessly down one of Team Fortress many hallways, his band of raccoons loyally following behind him.

“FOR YOU SEE MEN IT WAS ROOSEVELT HIMSELF WHO--” Soldier suddenly found himself very alone, “er...MEN?” Turning around Soldier quickly relocated his raccoons and the cause of their pause. “EGADS MEN! LOOK SHARP, THERE IS A LADY AMONG OUR RANKINGS” The little dog panted excitedly and circled the raccoons, having lost track of her flock of doves. Lieutenant Bites hissed at her.

‘’LIEUTENANT BITES! I AM ASHAMED OF YOU! THAT IS NOT HOW A MAN OF YOUR RANKING ADDRESSES A LADY!” Lieutenant Bites growled before turning away, knowing from experience that Soldier was more than happy to keep yelling regardless. 

“MA’AM PLEASE ACCEPT MY SINCEREST APOLOGIES ON BEHALF OF LIEUTENANT BITES’ UNFORGIVABLE BEHAVIOR. SOMETIMES THE CRUEL UNFEELING EMBRACE OF LADY WAR CAN UH...MAKE A MAN FORGET ABOUT HIS LIFE AND CONDUCT OUTSIDE OF BATTLE.

The little white dog quirked her head as Soldier leaned down to pick up her paw and kiss it gracefully.

“YOU ARE A TRUE WOMAN, A REAL CLASSY LADY AND I KNOW I SPEAK FOR MY MEN WHEN I SAY WE WOULD BE HONORED TO HAVE YOU MARCH ALONG BESIDES US”

“HM, IT SEEMS YOU ARE MISSING YOUR SOLDIER’S IDENTIFICATION PRIVATE. FEAR NOT, I HAVE 2 BADGES IN IDENTITY RECOVERY AND 3 BADGES IN IDENTITY THEFT. WE WILL FIND YOU YOUR NAME OR WE WILL STEAL IT BACK FROM THE PERPS OURSELVES WITH OUR COLD KNUCKLED AMERICAN BARE HANDS”

The little white dog sat down patiently, unafraid to snap back at Private Rabies after he got bold

“AHA THERE’S THAT FIERY WAR SPIRIT THAT MAKES AMERICA PROUD!” Soldier proclaimed as he swept the little dog up into his arms, allowing her to lick his face--catching him by surprise,

“HOHOOH NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL A LADY!” The little dog eagerly  wagged her tail as Soldier paid extra attention as he set her back down on the ground, where she happily ‘marched behind him, suffering only a few minor scraps from the raccoons, envious of the attention the new recruit was stealing away from their general. Of course, the army was not for every dog, it required a certain discipline and focus Roosevelt just didn’t have.

“Ah, don’t tell me you’ve added another ghastly beast to your horrid minagere,”   
“ _SPY_!”

Spy sighed “Soldier I don’t have time for--”

“DON’T LISTEN TO HIM ROSIE!’ Soldier scooped the small dog up in his arms, covering her ears as to protect her delicate lady liberties from the frenchman’s insults. “SPY IS FRENCH, HE DOES NOT UNDERSTAND OR APPRECIATE THE CHARMS OF THE AMERICAN LADY, A FOXY LITTLE VIXEN SUCH AS YOURSELF DOES NOT NEED TO CONCERN YOURSELF WITH-”

“Soldier please,” Spy rubbed the bridge of his nose in annoyance, “I am standing right here there is no need for all the shout-”

“THAT IS WHERE YOU ARE WRONG MAGGOT!” Soldier briefly paused to let Rosie back down, how could he properly chew out this insubordinate without full range of his arm movements?  “WE ARE NOT STANDING TOGETHER--WE ARE ENEMIES ON TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SIDES OF THE SAME COIN! WE ARE MILES APART MAGGOT AND DON’T YOU FORGET IT!” Soldier emphasized the last bit by flicking Spy on the tip of the nose.

Grabbing his nose and turning away Spy snapped back “Don’t. Touch me. I’m not in the mood for this right now--”

“OHOOHOO THERE IT IS! YOU ENTITLED G.I-GENNER’S YOU THINK YOU ARE ALL SO GREAT! YOU SHOULD TAKE A PAGE OUT OF THE SILENT GENERATION’S BOOK MISTER! IT WAS OUR SILENCE THAT ALLOWED US TO TRULY LISTEN AND APPRECIATE OUR COMMANDER’S LEADING ORDERS THAT LEAD US TO DEFEAT THE NAZIS AT WATERLOO!”

“---It is a shame that you cannot read, I think we’d all benefit from a little more silence around here. Specifically pertaining to yourself,” grumbling in annoyance Spy was more than ready than to turn and return to his own business once more when, to his horror, his attention was pulled downwards to a new and disgustingly warm sensation.

“YOU-YOU…..YOU  _ FILTHY MONGREL!”  _ Spy shrieked at the small fluffy white dog who had just store back blankly, content in the satisfaction of relieving her natural urges.

“THE ONLY FILTH HERE IS THE FILTH ON YOUR LIPS MAGGOT! ALLOW ME TO WIPE THEM CLEAN!” and after a flash of stars the next thing spy knew he was on his back with a significantly reduced count of teeth in his mouth, and a significantly increased quantity of blood. Then again, the original quantity had been none.

“NOW I HAVE WASHED WITH HOGS MY WHOLE LIFE MISS ROOSEVELT, BUT THE DRIBBLE SPOUTING FROM THAT HOITY TOITY BASTARD’S PIE HOLE IS NOTHING LESS THAN THE SINGLE MOST REVOLTING WASH OF HOG I HAVE EVER KNOWN---IT DOES NOT EVEN BEGIN TO COMPETE WITH THE CLEAN WHOLESOME STINK OF THE PROUD AMERICAN FARMED HOG--IN FACT IT IS NOTHING LESS THAN ONE-HUNDRED PERCENT GENUINE  _ HIPPOPOTAMUS  _ WASH---A HIPPOPOTAMUS FROM A COMMUNIST COUNTRY NO LESS--IT IS NOTHING LESS THAN ONE-HUNDRED PERCENT GENUINE  _ COMMUNIST  _ HIPPOPOTAMUS WASH--CANADA! IT IS NOTHING LESS THAN ONE-HUNDRED PERCENT GENUINE COMMUNIST  _ CANADIAN  _ HIPPOPOTAMUS WASH!” Soldier had been yelling so much that his face was now nearly as red as his uniform, steam was struggling to push his helmet straight off his head

“FORGIVE ME MADAME, BUT AFTER SUCH AN OUTRAGEOUS DISPLAY SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN WITNESSED BY A LADY---I CANNOT BEGIN TO IMAGINE WHAT TRAUMAS THAT LOWLIFE HAS INFLICTED UPON YOU---WHY I’M SO WORKED UP I NEED TO TAKE MY MEN FOR AT LEAST A 200 LAP RUN OF THE PERIMETER TO BURN OFF THIS UNQUENCHABLE RAGE BROILING IN THIS AMERICAN TANK OF A MAN!” Soldier once again placed down Roosevelt and, much to the chagrin of the raccoons, began jogging down the hallway. The dog, excited easily, followed down behind the raccoons before a mysterious smell grabbed her attention. 

The dog followed the scent around the corner and to the slightly ajar door from which it originated. Curiously, the dog pushed open the door with her her snout

 

“Mmph?” Pyro turned their head in curiosity, sitting at a table with a tea party with their stuffed animals and dolls. The dog eagerly puttered into the room and up to the table.


	4. Rmmpf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rumfp phmum hump hmmp hmmpf fmmph. Hpfpmmp ufhmpfphmpfh uhumhfpf. Hppfphmmf phhufhm, pfhmupfhmp hfm upfhmupf. Hpfm ufhp fhmup fhm uphup mhfmuphfpm.

rumfp phmum hump hmmp hmmpf fmmph. Hpfpmmp ufhmpfphmpfh uhumhfpf. Hppfphmmf phhufhm, pfhmupfhmp hfm upfhmupf. Hpfm ufhp fhmup fhm uphup mhfmuphfpm. Ufhppfp fppp pfmfmfmuhu, fphp hphph hphhph, ppmmmhu hufp hhrumfp. Phmum hump hmmp hmmpf fmmph. Hpfpm mpufh mpfphmpfhuh, umhf pfh ppfphm. Rumfp phmum hump, hmmp hmmpf fmmph hpfpmm, pufhmpfphmp fhuhumh fpfhppf phmmfph.

Hufh mpfh mupfh mphfmupf, hmupfh pmufhpfhm. Upfhmuph upmhfm? Uphfpm ufhp pfpfp pppfm fmfmuh ufphp. Hphp hhphhp hppm   
mmh uhufp hhru mfp phmum hump, hmmp hmmpf fmmph hpfpmmp, ufhm pfph mpf huhu mhfp fhp pfphmm fphhufh. Mpfhmu pfhm phfm upfhm upfhp mufhp fhmupfh muph. Upmh fmuph fpmuf hppfp fppppf. Mfmfm uhufp hphph phhph hphp pmmm. Huhuf phrumfp phmum hump hmmp hmmpf fmmp, hhpfp mmpu fhmp fphmpfhuhu mhfpfh ppfphm, mfphh ufhmp fhmupf hm phfm upfhm upfhpmu fhpfhm.   
"upfhm uphup mhfm uph fpmufhp pfpfppppfm fmfmuh ufphp hphphhp hhphpp mm mhuhufphhr umf?" phmum hump hmmp. "Hmmpf fmmph hpfpm mpufhm pfphmpfh." Uhumhfpfhp pfphm mfphhu, fhmpfhmu pfhmphf mupfhmu. Pfhpm ufhpfhmu Rmmpf phfpmuf hppfpf ppp pfmfmf muhufphphphphh. Phhphpp mm mhuhu fphhhfffm ffpm mppfm mp mpm pfmpg phpm phmp mhmmmp; mmfph pmphm mmf mmh mmmp hppph mmfp hfhmf pppm hfphf mhm pfffmmh mp.

"fmhpfp mppmpfff pphhh mmm. Fpphm fmhpf Rmmpf mhmfpm mhp, fphmfphf hmpp mhfpmh." Hmppfp hfpfpf phpmfph. "Fpmhfpphp mphmfphm pfhfffmf fprumfp phm." Umhu mp hmmp hm mpf fmmph.   
Hpfpmm pufhmpfp hmpf huhu fhmpfh mupfh mphfmupf, hmupfhpmufhpfhm upfhm uphup. Mhfmu phfpmu fhppfpf Rmmpf ppppf mfmfm uhufphp. Hphph hphhp hppm mmhu rumfp phmum hump.

"Hmmp hmmpf fmmph hpfpmmpufh? Mpfph mpfhuhu Rmmpf mhfpfh ppfphm: mfph hufhmpfh, mupfh mphf mupfh, mupfhpmufhp?" fhmup fhmu phup mhfmu. "phfpm ufhppfp fppppf mfm." fmuhufphp hphph hphhphp.

Pmm mhu hufphh rumfp phmum. Hump hmmp hmmpf, fmm ph hpfpm, mpu fhmpf phm pfhu.

Humhfpfh!? Ppfphm!

Mfphhu fhmpf hmupfh Rmmpf mphfmu, pf hmupfh pmu fhpfhmu, pfhmup hupm hfm. Uphfpmu fhppfpf pp ppfmf mfmu hufph php. "Hph hphh phppm mmhu huf phhh fffmf fp mmppfm." Mpmpmpf. Mpgph pmph: mpmh mmm pm. mmfphp mphm mmfm mhmm mp hppp.

"Hmmfph? fhmf pppmhf?" Phfm hmhm fpp ppfffm mhmpf. "Mhpfp mpp mpfffpp hhhmm---" mfpph mfmh pfm hmfp   
Mmmhp fphm fphfh, "---Mppmhf pmhh mppf phfpfpf Rmmpf phpm fphfpm hfpphp mph mfphrumfp ph mum hump hmmp hmmpf fmmph. Hpfpmmp ufhmp fphmpfh uhu mhfpf. Hppfphmmf phhufh m, pfhm upfhmp hfm upfhmupf. Hpfm ufhp Rmmpf fhmup fhm uphup Rmmpf mhfmuphfpm. Ufh ppfp fppp pfmfm fmuhu, fphp hphph hphhph, ppmm mhu hufp hhrumfp. Phmum hump hmm hmmpf Rmmpf fmmph. Hpfpm mpufh mpf phm pfhuh, umhf pfh ppfphm. Rumfp phmum hump, hmmp hmmpf fmmph hpfpmm, pufhm pfphm pfhu humh fpfhppf phmmfph.

Hufh mpfh mupfh mphf mupf, hmupfh pmufhpfhm. Upfhmuph upmhfm? Uphfpm ufhppfpfp ppp fm fmfmuhufphp. Hphphhphhp hpp   
mmmh uhu fph hru mfp phmum hump, hmmp hmm pf fmmph hpfpmmp, ufh mpfph mpfhu humhfpfhp pfphmmfphhufh. Mpfhmu pfh mphfm upf hm upfhp mufhp fhmupfh muph. Up mh fmup hfpmuf hppfp fppppf. Mfmfmuhufp hph Rmmpf ph phhph hphp pmmm. Huhuf phru mfp phm um hump hmmp hmmrumfp phmum hump hmmp hm mpf fmmph. Hpfpmmp ufhmpf phmpfh uhumhfpf. Hppfphmmf phh ufhm, pfhmu pfhmp hfm upfhmupf. Hpfm ufhp fhmup fhm Rmmpf uphup mhf mup hfpm. Ufhppfp fppp pfm fmf muhu, fphp hphph hphhph, ppm Rmmpf mmhu hufp hhrumfp. Phmum hump hmmp hmmpf fmmph. Hpfpm mpufh mpfphmpfhuh, umhf pfh ppfphm. Rumfp phmum hump, hmmp hmmpf fmmph hpfpmm, pufhmpfphmp fhuhumh fpfhppf phmmfph.

Hufhmpfh mupfh mphfmupf, hmupfh pmufhpfhm. Upfhmuph upmhfm? Uphfpm ufhp pfpfp pppfm fmfmuhufphp. Hphphhphhp hppmmmh uhufphh rumfp phmum hump, hmmp hmmpf fmmph hpfpmmp, ufhmpfph mpfh uhum hfpfhp pfphmmfphhufh. Mpfhmu pfhmphfm upfhm upfhp mufhp fhmupfh muph. Uprmh fmuphfpmuf hppfp fppppf. Mrfmfm uhufrp hphph rphhph hphp pmm Rmmpf m. Huhuf phrumfp phmum hump hmmp hmmpf fmmp, hhpfprmm pufhmp fphrm Rmmpf pfhuhu mhfpfhp pfphm, mfphh ufhmp fhmup fhm phfm upfhm upfhpmu fhpfhm. pf fmmp, hhpfp rmmpur fhmp fph Rmmpf mpf huhu mhrfpfh ppfphm, mfphhu fhmp fhmrupfhrm ph Rmmpf fm upfhm upfhpmu fhpfhm.

"Mpfhfff mffp mmppfm mpmp, mpfmp gph pmphmp, mhmmmp mm mfphpmph!" Mm mfmm hmm mp hpp, "Phmm fphfh mfppp mhfphf mhm. Hmf ppppff frmmh, rmpfmhr pfpmp rpm, pfff prpr hhhm, mm fpph mfmh."

Pfm hm fpmmh pfph mfphf. Hmpp mhfpm hhm ppfp hfpfpf phpm. Fphfpm hfpph pmp hmfph mpfrum fp. Phmum hump hmmp hmmpf, fmmph hpf pmmp ufhm. Pfph mpf huhu mhfpfhr.   
Ppfphmr rmfphhuf rhmpf hmu pfh mp hfrm. Upfh mup fhp muf? Hpfh mu pfh muph upm! Hfmu phfpm ufhpp fpfpppp. Fmr frmf muhuf phphp hphh, phhph ppm mmh uh ufph hrumfp. Phmum hump hmmp hmmpf, fm mph hpfpm, mpufhmp  Rmmpf fphm pfhuh. Umhfrp fhp pfph mmfphh; ufhmp fhmup fhmp, hfmu pfhm upfhp. Mufh pfhm upfhm uphu. Pmhf muph fpmuf, hppfp fppppfmf. Mfmuh ufph phph. Phh phhp hpr pm, mmhuh ufph hhfffmf fpm Rmmpf mp, pfmmp mpm pfmpgph?

Fmh mh rmphmf---phm pfhfff mffp rrmm---ppf mrrm mpmp! Fmp gph prrmph mpmh. Mmr rmp mmmf phpm, phm mmf mmhm. Mmp hpprr phmm fphf hmfpp pmh fphfmh mhmfppp. Pffmmh mpfmhp fpmppm pfffp, rrph hhmmm. Pmph mfphmpf Rmmpf rumfp phmum. Hump hmmp hmmpf fmmph hpfp mmpu fhm pfphm. Pfhu humh rum frp, phm um hump hmmp. Hmmpf fmmph. Hpfp mmp ufhmpf prhrr mpfh uhu mhfpf. Hpp fphm mf phhufhm, pfhmu pfhr mp hfm upfh murpf. Hpfm ufhp fhmup fhm uphup mhfmup hfprm. Ufhpprfp fprpp pfmf mfmrr uhu, fprr hp hp Rmmpf hph hph hph, ppm mr rmhu hufp hhrumfp. Phmum hump hmmp hmmpf Rmmpf mmph. Hpfpm mpufh mpfp hrmpf huh, umhf pfh ppfp hm. Rumfp phmum hump, hmmp hmmpf fmmph hpfpmm, pufh mpf phmp fhuh umh fpfhppf phm mfprh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huhuf phru mfp phm um hump hmmp hmmrumfp phmum hump hmmp hm mpf fmmph. Hpfpmmp ufhmpf phmpfh uhumhfpf. Hppfphmmf phh ufhm, pfhmu pfhmp hfm upfhmupf. Hpfm ufhp fhmup fhm Rmmpf uphup mhf mup hfpm. Ufhppfp fppp pfm fmf muhu, fphp hphph hphhph, ppm Rmmpf mmhu hufp hhrumfp. Phmum hump hmmp hmmpf fmmph.


	5. Rostova

The little dog gave out a yawn as they padded back down the hallway, full and sated form their tea party with the Pyro. Truth be told she had already had a rather full day so far here on the base and was ready for a nap as she padded down the hallway, stopping briefly to investigate any slightly ajar door

 

“Now what is matter?!” The giant man demanded “Heavy say he want quiet afternoon to read and--oh!” Heavy was quickly taken aback by the small dog, having worked himself up to shout at scout or some other idiotic nuisance for interrupting his reading time “-hello little doggy, what is dog so small doing on base?” He remembered a conversation a while back about their boss wanting to experiment with them utilizing war dogs out on the battlefield, but this dog was much too small for that. “Come to see Heavy yes?” Heavy knelt down to get a better look at the dog, who wagged her tail in appreciation of the attention “Come to find quiet place like Heavy did?” petting the dog’s head Heavy smiled, it was not often something so nice happened on base. Piqued by the affection and pets, the little dog happily followed Heavy into his room before he closed the door---lest he and his little friend be disturbed once more.

 

Unlike the halls brightly lit with industrial fluorescent lights, Heavy’s room was very dark, and the weapon expert’s large size, along with the larger furniture such size demanded, made the room feel very small and intimate. However it wasn’t claustrophobic or even uncomfortable--far from it, Heavy had lined his walls with bookshelves filled with old well-loved books, had splayed heavy colorful quilts on both his and Sasha’s bed, draped the floor in an ornamental rug from the old country, all highlighted by the warm light from the various candles and oil lamps Heavy had lit, making the room incredibly warm and cozy.

 

For the dog the warm orange glow was an incredibly welcoming, with the pup eager to paddle around and sniff all of the new and interesting things. Nothing else she had come across so far in the base smelt quite like this, with the gunpowder not quite overpowering the lingering earthy scent of hay and cinnamon.

 

Watching the dog poke her way around the room, Heavy couldn’t help a smile “leetle dog is curious no? Interested in big friend Heavy?” The man’s voice was much deeper than any she had heard so far from the team, and the little dog found herself instinctively drawn to him when he called, making him chuckle. “Leetle pup is very friendly, yes, Heavy knows you are a good girl, can sit with Heavy in Heavy’s special chair.” As helpful as it was out on the battlefield, Heavy’s size could be quite the inconvenience in his day to day life, and as much as he had tolerated it he spent part of his first paycheck on a custom leather arm chair, one that would infantilize even an average-sized man. The small white dog let Heavy pick her up and set her down in his lap. On days like this with no fighting and no moving bases, Heavy liked to sit quietly in his special chair and read, and he had no qualms with sharing this time with such a nice little friend.

 

Warm and comfortable, the little dog quickly fell asleep, with Heavy softly scratching behind her ear.

 

“Leetle friend have a nice nap?” Heavy asked warmly as the dog rolled over and stretched with in his lap, blinking her eyes open with a tiny yawn before rolling over and wagging her tail “Haha, lots of spirit for such a leetle dog, reminds Heavy of Rostova from book,” Now well rested, Rostova jumped down from Heavy’s lap and decided to investigate the corner of the room she had not gotten the chance to before her snooze.

 

“Leetle dog must be very careful,” Heavy said as he stood from his chair, “Sasha is  _ very _ special friend-gun,” Rostova quirked her head momentarily, and then continued to nose around the large gun sprawled in the gun-sized bed, Heavy only growing more uneasy as she began to lick at the barrel,

 

“Maybe is best if leetle dog goes and says hello to other human-mercenary friends ya?” Heavy suggested nervously, practically pushing the little dog out of his door. Unphased and unbiased towards any array of different species friends, the brown spotted dog trotted down the hallway once more.

 


	6. Riesling

 

The sun was now just starting to set and many of the mercenaries had gathered in the mess hall for supper, with others deciding to gear up for a night out on the town---as much as teufort could really be considered a ‘town’.

 

 

“What? What could possibly be the matter you revolting pest?” Spy sneered as he nearly tripped over the stupid little dog. “What? Are you hungry?” The dog was back on its paws in seconds and seemed completely fixated on the man “Can’t you see I’m busy?”

 

“Oi, come on Spy, ain’t puppy kickin’ a wee bit low even for you?” Demo finished with a hearty laugh and good-mannered hand on the Spy’s shoulder, which he grumpilly wrestled out of.

 

“I do not have time for this I am expecting an important phone call so if you could  please--” Spy stopped and groaned in annoyance when it became apparent that demo wasn’t listening nor was he interested in listening the tiniest bit.

 

“Oh you’re a good girl ain’t ya?” Demo chuckled, petting the dog’s fluffy white belly as she wagged her tail eagerly.

 

“Ugh, I do not know why I ever try!” Spy proclaimed before marching back down the hall.

 

“Aye, you’re best off to ignore him lass, nobody knows why Spy does what he does---but he really ain’t that bad deep down ya? Oh you’re a friendly lass aren’t ya?” The more he talked to her---and scratched her belly, the faster her tail seemed to wag. “And where were you off to at this hour aye? Dangerous place for such a wee lass, just about supper time aye? You gonna come get grub with Demo you are? Oh yes you are~” He cooed, as the dog slipped herself just so around his hands as he may pet and stroke her all over. “Might as well, they might try and make us eat our grub here but even I know it ain’t fit for dogs,”

 

Truth be told, demo’s desire to take the pooch out with him wasn’t completely holistic, as fun as eating with dogs was---his luck had dried up recently at the local pub, what with the same ladies of teufort growing weary of the same stories of glory from the same drunken cyclops. But  a dog---well everyone  _ loved _ dogs! Right? Except Spy, apparently. Hoisting the dog up into his arms Demo leapt onto to the Teufort Pub teleporter and in a moment he and his fuzzy little friend were at his 37th favorite bar, and only bar, in Teufort.

 

“Ah ahoy laddies!” he laughed as he announced his arrival to the other bar patrons before taking his usual spot up at the bar 3rd stool from the left.

 

“Sober again are we?” The kindly bartender chuckled as he began to prepare the demolitions expert his usual.

 

“Ah, dangerous close Jerry, haha, dangerously close,”

 

“And how about your little friend?” The old man gestured towards the small wide-eyed dog.

 

“Ah this wee lass? I donnae know--what’d you recommend?

 

“Hmm….we just got this in today,” The bartender presented an uncorked bottle of Riesling, “Light and fruity--good for beginners,”

 

Demo threw his head back in good-hearted laughter, “Classy little gal ain’t she?” The bartender had to stop himself from filling a wine glass and instead opted to fill one of the bowls he kept for peanuts and placed it down in front of the dog

 

“Cute little thing ain’t she?”

 

“Ha! Oi you’re right about that--think she’ll uh help ol’demo catch some ‘tail’” the bartender wouldn’t have noticed, but demo  _ had _ winked slyly at him before the two men erupted in pre-drunken laughter. Thirsty, the dog eagerly lapped up the ‘water’ set before her in the bowl, it tasted funny---not like the tea that the man in the mask had given her earlier, but it wasn’t  _ bad _ by any means.

 

“That a girl,” Demo scratched behind her ear.

 

“Say what’re you calling her?” The bartender asked, setting down Demo’s second beer already.

 

“Uhh-” Just then Demo’s train of thought was cut short by a shrill scream

 

“Is that  _ your  _ dog!? Oh my goodness she is simply darling!” Ah yes, the good ol’ 6:40 rush was just hitting, as a few girls had all taken seat adjacent to Demo and the alcoholic pup.

 

“Aye, that she is,” he beamed proudly, trying to give these gals a taste the ol’ Tavish charm.

 

“What’s her name? She’s so cute!”

 

“Her name--? Oi right it’s--” Demo looked around for a moment, the bartender offering a sympathetic shrug as he began to serve patrons at the other side of the counter---finally---Demo’s good eye landed on the bottle the dog had been served from.

 

“Riesling,”

 

“Riesling?"

 

“Yes good ol’ Riesling---she can’t get enough of the stuff I tell ya! Oh I remember the day we first brought little Riesling home from the farm why yes she---”

 

“Is that a dog!?” Aw gee, Mayor Mike usually didn’t show up here but boy howdy when he did--

 

“Jerry did you know there was a dog in here?” The bartender offered a nervous grin, pulling at his collar as he turned to polish the glasses.

 

“Jerry?”

 

“It’s just a dog Mike, she isn’t hurting anyone!”

 

“Yeah c’mon Mike! Why don’t you just fucking piss off?”shouted Demo, slowly becoming more intoxicated.

 

“Does she have her licenses?” Mike asked in that oh so ‘mayor mike’ tone.

 

“Bloody hell--what?”

 

“Her licenses, how else will poor Jerry here know if he’s serving a minor or not?”

 

“A minor!?--I--for fuck’s sake it’s a  _ dog  _ Mike!”

 

“Now I’m sorry Mr. man but you don’t want me to have to give our good friend Jerry a pink slip would we?”

 

At this point, everyone was yelling and half the bowl of wine was gone, Riesling head pounded as she looked around the commotion in confusion, this funny water wasn’t  _ anything  _ like the other funny hot water she had had.

 

“ **_HOLY SHIT!_ ** ” the arguing was pierced by a single shriek “Gross!”

 

Poor little Riesling had emptied her doggy stomach all over the lap of one of the women that had been cooing over her.

 

“Aw shit m’am I’m real sorry about this--I’ll gladly pay for the damages,” Demo scrambled to pick up the dog and grab his wallet to give the girls some cash and pay for his drinks.

 

“I  _ knew  _ that dog was a minor!” insinuated Mayor Mike, “Mr. Jerry tear down this establishment!” his words rang out through the bar as the pub-goers of Teufort began to ring out in protest, men were yelling, glasses were being smashed and bar stools were being thrown as a riot quickly brewed within.

 

Fearing the immediate, Demoman hadn’t even thought to take the teleporter and instead ran out with the sick dog in his arms, sights on a nearby payphone. Sniper shouldn’t have left the base yet.


	7. Red

“You sure are lucky you called when you did mate! Spy’d been hoggin’ the line for hours when--”

 

“Yeah yeah, oi….I donnae know how we’re gonna tell the guy’s the ol’pub might finally be closin’ her doors,” Demo sighed, resting his elbow against the dashboard

 

“Yeah...say where’d you get that little scrapper anyways?” Sniper asked, not taking his eyes off the road for more than a second. Course he knew his way from Teufort to the base backwards and front, could have made the trip blindfolded with his hands tied behind his back. Just the thing about these desert roads was all sorts of  _ things _ liked to make their way out onto them--critters, hitchhikers, pot-holes, rocks...and Sniper loved his ol’camper too much to put the ol’girl through any sort of ordeal.

 

“Oy--found her nosin’ around Spy in the halls earlier,”

 

“Spy finally made a friend ay?”

 

“Nay, didn’t want anythin’ tae do with the lass,”

 

“Lucky for us then ay? Bloke like Spy probably don’t even know what you’re supposed to do with a dog,”

 

Demo barked a laugh a that. “Aye, you’re right when you’re right laddie,”

 

“Say, i’d been lookin’ for a dog….mind if I borrow her some?”

 

“Aye--think the poor girl’s had enough of a night,”

 

“Oh of course she got sick, sounds of it poor girl’d been cooped up all damn day--she’s a dog  _ demo _ she’s got that wild blood in her! Ancestral connections to wolves and all--you gotta let dogs run around all free like!

 

“Ya don’t say?”

 

“Oh yeah back in Oz dad kept a bunch of dogs, dogs for herdin’, dogs for rattin’, dogs for huntin’---all types of em’. Trust me---all this shelia be needin’ is some overdue fresh air,”

 

“Alright Alright, ya convinced me legs--just be gentle on ‘er,”

 

“I can be gentle!” Sniper protested, the van seeming to bump in disagreement

 

“Course ya can be, but she’s just a wee lass! This ain’t one of your old man’s good ol’hunting dogs---hate to add ‘er to ya confirmed kill list!” Demo teased as Sniper pulled up outside the base, allowing Demo to climb out.

 

“Good luck!” Sniper waved back before turning the camper around and pulling back out into the vast desert landscape

“Don’t listen to him girl, he don’t know anythin’” Sniper shook his head and scratched the dog behind her ear, which she gladly rolled over to allow him to do. What  _ did _ Demo know anyways? Sniper knew more about being underestimated for size than anyone---except maybe the engineer---especially in regard to hunting---and even more so when his own father was invoked, even if only in spirit. For years good ol’ dad fretted and pestered over Sniper taking on bigger and more dangerous game. Lot of good that had done. Still, it was on quiet nights out hunting he missed that sleepy little farm. He smiled down at the little thing, who had curled up for a mid drive snooze before Sniper decided to pull over between two sand dunes. 

 

“Riesling is a piss name,” he chuckled to himself before he began to unload. Now Blue---Blue was a good proper huntin’ dog name. Good ol’ Blue. She had always been his dad’s favorite, last he knew she had been retired to an old fat spoiled house pet, still just as pampered and beloved as ever. Of course...Blue would never work, Sniper stopped and thought to himself as he examined his own shirt, piercing red as the clay beneath his feet. Wait….that was it!

 

“Come along Red!” He called, the little dog jumping out of the passenger's seat and following behind. Now with an empty stomach Red was rather ready for supper, and hoped if she listened to the tall man her last friend left her with, he would provide.

 

“Now lets see…” Sniper had unpacked his rifle and scope and paced slowly around, last time he had camped out around here a good amount of birds had flown by, and once a rabbit. He didn’t like the idea of using bait. Wasn’t true to the sport. Best to start moving forward, motioning to follow, Red’s stomach grumbled softly as she ran up behind him.

 

And kept running. 

 

Sniper had hiked roughly about a mile before stopping, scratching the underside of his hat and investigating the surrounding area for any signs of life, plenty of little bite marks at the sparse foliage--but no pawprints or droppings. 

 

“Hmm may be best to try the other direct--” Sniper’s out loud musings were cut short by a sharp yelp from Red, as she had been poking around in the dirt she had, quite literally, come face to face with a snake. Startled--the pup chomped down in retaliation--the snake thrashing around in her teeth

 

“Thatta girl!” Sniper threw his hands up in surprise, watching as the dog violently shook the snake “That’ll fry up good!” It might not have been a regular king’s meal--but Sniper would take the skimpiest hard fought hunted game over the fattest farm raised goose any day.

 

The oil popped in the pan over the fire as the once mighty desert predator shriveled up into a jerky-like length of crispy meat, paired with the bits of potatoes and beans Sniper haid tossed along in the pan

 

“You’ve earned more than your fair share!” he decreed before plopping a healthy half of the snake in front of Red, who eagerly and desperately tore the half to bits and gobbled it up, chewing on the skull as the fire crackled and illuminated the star-spotted indigo sky.

 

Sniper was used to sleeping in the cot in his camper--as he did every night--and Red was small enough to sleep on the carpeted floor, he even lended her a cushion from his one dining chair. If he was being honest, this was his first night out hunting that wasn’t so lonesome. He just hoped that Demo wouldn’t mind him borrowing the dog overnight--didn’t see much reason he would. Afterall, they’d be back on base in the morning and Sniper would have returned Red back to demo.

 

And, surely enough, morning came. As it always did. The Indigo fading to hues of magenta and rose to the peachy orange of the desert sunrise. Sniper stretched---as best he could---before rolling over and sitting up in bed.

 

“Ready to hit the road girl?”he yawned before opening his eyes to see the little white dog curled up on the floor.

 

 

And his heart stopped.


	8. Rosalind

 

Scout paced up and down the hall outside of the medibay, the unofficial ‘waiting room’ as it were, the rest of the team accompanying the chairs lined against the faded salmon walls.

 

“C’mon Scout, Doc might have a screw or two loose but he’s always been a good medic,” offered the engineer, who kept flipping his hard hat over in his hands. He knew his implants had been too invasive, he had just wanted so gosh darn badly to see that sparky little miss to be able to run and jump and scamper to her little heart’s content. Turned out that might’ve just been too much for her heart to handle.

 

“It ain’t fair!” Scout snapped back, first his mom dies and now the dog she never let him have was gone too. He barely even got to scratch the surface of all the cool stuff he had planned to do with Ruthie, he never even got to take her to the park and try and hit on random ladies who also had dogs…

 

“Engineer is right---docktor is good. Will help little dog,” Heavy had felt so ashamed of himself, he had no idea that Medic had been looking for Rostova when she made her way into his room. Letting a suspicious animal into the base quietly had been incredibly irresponsible of him. He should’ve alerted Medic immediately. Stupid stupid stupid…

 

“Rmmf rmmph mmmph hmmf,” Pyro retorted. Hmfhmf phmp, fmhfp mhfpmh fhmfpmh. Fphmfmp, hpfhmf phfpmhf pmpm. hfpmhfpmhfphmfp mhpfhmf mhfpmhfphmfp. pmhfphmfh fpmhp, hmfpmhfph fphmf mhfpmhf, pmhfpmh pmhfpmhfp. Hmfph mfphmf pmh fphmf, pmhfpmhfpm. Hfph mfp mhfphm fmhpmhfphpm hfmphm fphmfph mfphmfp mhpfmh 

pfmhfph. 

“God it’s all my fault,” Sniper dropped his face in his hands, rubbing underneath his glasses. He just stay silently staring down at the floor. None of this would have happened if he had just dropped the dog off with Demo. He was wrong---there really were some things you couldn’t do if you weren’t big and tough and strong…

 

“GENTLEMEN OUR LITTLE LIETENUET IS NOT DEAD YET! MAYBE YOUR WEAKLING  _ AUSTRALIAN  _ DOGS FALL AT THE FANGS OF THE MIGHTY RACCOON CADET--AND HOW CAN I BLAME THEM? OUR AMERICAN RACCOONS ARE SOME OF THE FIERCEST AND MIGHTIEST WARRIORS OF THIS MILLENIUM! ANY LESSER BEAST OF GOD’S KINGDOM SHOULD HAVE FALLEN DEAD ON THE SPOT! THERE IS NOTHING OUR MEDIC CAN DO FOR THIS DOG--SHE IS A TRIUMPH OF AMERICAN INGENUITY! OF DIVINITY! BY GOD IF GENTLEMAN IF SHE DOES NOT PULL THROUGH WE HAVE CERTAINLY FALLEN!”

 

Demo offered a sympathetic smile, as he sat between Sniper and Soldier and offered his friends a supportive hand on their shoulder,

 

“Yeah, the lass’ll pull through, doc’s gonna fix her---you’ll see,” Demo didn’t quite have the strength to admit he knew it was his fault the pup had bit the dust---well it was that and needing to be strong for Sniper and Soldier, god---what had he been thinking? Seeing how much all the guys apparently loved that little lass put Demo to shame, he had just been using her to meet ladies. Lord, what would his demomom think…

 

The distinct sound of fine italian leather loafers hitting cold tile echoed down the hall, as Spy came to a screeching halt in front of the intersection “Gentlemen has anyone seen---ah! The labor--I-I mean the  _ engineer _ please--this is urgent---ceasefire has been called and I need---”

 

“Of course ceasefire been called!”

 

“IT WOULD BE UN-AMERICAN FOR A TROOP TO GO TO WAR WITHOUT ONE OF THEIR SOLDIERS!”

 

“W-What?” Spy stammered, completely baffled.

 

“Administrator heard about dead dog, give team time off to grieve,”

 

“W..what?” Spy repeated his original outburst, although now softer as the ridiculousness began to fully take hold.

 

“YOU HEARD HIM!” Scout shrieked “THE DOG’S FRIGGEN DEAD OKAY!?” a soft gasp filled the air

 

“C’mon...let’s settle down now son,” Engineer stood up and gently placed a hand on Scout’s shoulder, who was breathing heavily through his teeth.

 

“The dog---that mangy beast you pulled out of the desert? Of course it’s dead! Have you all collectively lost your minds?!” Spy began to shout “What kind of men are you if you can’t pull it together after a disgusting animal is spared after sharing a day with--” Scout had heard enough and in onemotion shook the engineer off and had socked Spy in the jaw, blood trickling down his fist. Standing hunched over Spy Scout continued to seeth, Spy placed a delicate hand against his face in shock--examining the dark blood dripping out.

 

“Woah--woah--come on Scout, easy does it--” hesitantly, the Engineer took a step towards Scout, trying to help calm him down as Spy picked himself up slowly.

 

“NO! I’m freakin’ tired of this shit--Spy didn’t even LIKE the dog and now he just wants to shit on all of us cause we ain’t cold heartless monsters like he is!”

 

Spy was barely on his knees when he tried to gurgle out a “No” Behind broken teeth and a swollen lip

 

“SCOUT IS RIGHT!” Soldier proclaimed as he jumped up to his feet, gently pushing the engineer asides so he now too was standing over the withering Spy. “YOU HATED ROSIE AND ALL OF THE AMERICAN PATRIOTISM AND FREEDOM SHE STOOD FOR!”

 

“Aye!” Demoman joined in “Aye saw him kick the lass with me own eye!”

 

Heavy sighed in disappointment, glaring at Spy, desperately hoping these accusations weren’t true but knowing they most likely were.

 

Soldier, who was now red in the face and was sneering so hard his teeth threatened to crack, turned again to face Spy, who was barely stable on his knees--before Soldier kicked him-- stomping hard against his gut and then holding him down against the cold tiled floor with his face underneath his boot.

 

“Get...off...of...ME!” Spy struggled with what little strength he had as all of the wind had been knocked out of him.

 

“He really kick that dog?” Sniper asked quietly in disbelief, Demo nodded in his direction before he cracked his knuckles, moving to stand behind solider--but not stop him. Demo managed to but in and pull Spy up by the collar

 

“You son of a  _ BITCH _ !” He yelled before headbutting him hard enough to hit the wall--the others cheering him on in the background.

 

“Yeah! YEAH! Knock his teeth out!” Scout shouted, punching the air in encouragement as Sniper strolled over to Spy’s limp body

 

“Ya just couldn’t keep that damn mouth of yours shut huh?” He spat before violently ripping Spy up from the ground and tossing him back down--the Engineer even helped kick him in the head again. “Bloody good for nothin’ useless---Oi! Just a filthy animal aye? I’ll show ya filthy!” and with that Sniper had unzipped his khakis and whipped his cock out, causing quiet the riot among the guys as he took to defiling Spy’s now half-dead body.

 

“Who needs jars right? Cut out the middleman I say,” Blood streaked the walls as among the cheering and shouting Pyro grabbed Spy by the shoulders and slammed him up against the wall

 

“ **_FPMHPF HMFP HMFPMHFP MMPM PFMH FFHPMP MHFPMH!?”_ ** the others gasped--they had not idea sweet lil Pyro had that in him.

 

Spy only managed to gurgle as he choked and gagged on the blood bubbling and frothing up his esophagus and down his shirt. His eyes red and dry, rolled back into his head as he was spared with a wave of unconsciousness

 

“Yeah! Give him what for laddie!” Demo roared, as Pyro hauled Spy over his head like a wrestling belt before throwing him down against the floor--his body flopping down a few feet away from the crowd before disappearing into respawn--pink strained splotches remaining on the tile.

 

The cheering, laughter, and high-fiving was cut short however as the doors to the medi-bay slammed open

 

“Gentleman!” everyone froze--eyes glued to Medic. “Gentlemen--I’m...I’m afraid I have some bad news..”

 

The laughter and triumph quickly turned to tears and sorrow. Those that had hats to remove did so, Scout crumpled defensively into Sniper, and joined by the Engineer---Soldier offered Demo, now sobbing, a stoic and very manly support-hug, Pyro sat down and cried into their gloved hands and--out of a mix of shock and disappointment Heavy approached to console Medic, who seemed rather disheartened himself.

 

“Docktor...is true? Little dog…”

 

“IT’S TRUE!” Medic sobbed, throwing himself into Heavy’s arms “I-I was so certain...I...I….I don’t know what-”

 

“Is ok docktor, team knows you did your best, all that matters,”

 

“Oh well I’d hardly call that my best--how you insult me Mischa!” Medic teasingly slapped Heavy’s forearm

 

“What?” Heavy asked, now confused.

 

“Oh and I so was looking forward to having a new pair of dog kidneys! Oh!”

 

“Wait...docktor saying little dog….survive?”

 

Medc looked up with Heavy in a mix of shock and confusion and a hint of disgust “Of COURSE the dog survived---really! You people treat me chopped liver sometimes I swear!”

 

Again, it was so silent you could have heard a pin drop.

 

“Woah--she’s ok!?” Scout asked excitedly, bouncing out of Sniper’s arms--crying again now but for completely different reasons.

 

“Yes yes, although I have to hand it to you gentlemen, I’ve never seen such an exhausted dog, first I had to re-align her tendons--”

 

Scout turned away and looked at his feet

 

“--than I had to re-attach her  quadriplegic  nerves and administer a tetanus shot-”

 

The Engineer pulled at his collar.

 

“--and a rabies shot--”

 

The soldier rubbed the back of his neck under his helmet and cleared his throat.

 

“--and then there was the matter of pumping her stomach! Mein Gott! I’ve never seen a dog so clogged! Chocolate--”

 

The pyro kept their head down as they played with thier feet, arms coyly behind their back.

 

“--traces of gunpowder--”

 

Heavy smiled nervously and offered a shrug--he really hadn’t meant to endanger the little doggy--honest!

 

“--and alcohol--”

 

Averting the Medic’s accusatory gaze Demoman looked around the room, whistling innocently.

 

“--and then of course there was the matter of pumping the  _ SNAKE VENOM _ out of her blood!”

 

Sniper just stuffed his hands into his pockets, seeming to shrink an inch or two as he kicked at the floor.

 

“Honestly,” Medic said with a sigh “This is why I’m the only one authorized to keep pets."

 


End file.
